Holiday Eating Tips - You're Welcome!

My friend Holli passed on some holiday-eating tips, for which I thanked her from the big-BOTTOM of my cholesterol-coated heart.

Now sharing with you:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry. January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WHEEEEE, what a ride!"

Christmas Par-tays!

Who knew a Christmas party (or 3 of them in one week) would unleash the Christmas spirit in my lately-cranky-heart?

Wednesday: Home-Ward RS Christmas Open House. Between 30-40 lovely ladies from the neighborhood stopped by for a Christmas cookie exchange, carols and conversation. Since I’ve abandoned the home ward, I suspect the open-house was an attempt at re-activation. Still it warmed my heart to see so many friends

Thursday: Like we don’t see enough of each other, we had a Ladies-Only Christmas Party for the chicas at work. Even though my son Jared refused to provide the entertainment with his award-winning-booty-clap, we still had fun.

Saturday: This par-tay gets a shout-out on the blog...WITH pics. The weather outside was frightful, so a drive through Provo Canyon to Midway was out of the question. Plan B was triggered 2 hours before party-time, and we rocked the house with 80 of our BYU kids. (Not literally – I don’t want to get anyone’s ecclestiastical endorsement pulled for HECKsake.)

Before I knew about Plan B, me and my girls (Heather, Jen and Rach) dipped and wrapped over 200 candied apples on Saturday morning to give to our BYU kids and neighbors. I felt like a domestic goddess! We have a new in-house, sit-down dinner record ...count 'em - 75! (Parker, please chew with your mouth closed.)
I wonder...is Brent dressed-up as "Tiny Tim" or just Brent? This was no ordinary party, but these are extraordinary 20-somethings. The kids auctioned off and bid on each other's services, with donated canned goods. They collected over 500 pounds of food for the Utah Food Bank!...and they made a dozen blankets for the Pioneer Park Homeless Shelter...ya gotta love 'em! "Heather R - Activity Committee Queen" - We will never let her move out of the ward! "Last Men Standing" - Thanks Devin, Zach and Matt for helping the Bishop move my furniture back in the house! No more parties until I do some Christmas shopping!

Is it Burnout?

A few nights ago, I arrived home from work about 11. I went straight to my room, changed into my jammies, washed my face, brushed my teeth and kissed my hubby goodnight (I think I did...at least I hope I did). As I climbed into bed, I noticed something stuck to my pillow.

On closer inspection, here’s what I found:

A post-it-love-note from my son Josh and his girlfriend (slash) might-as-well-be-fiance Rach. A pinprick-size thought pierced through to my conscience: "There is supposed to more to LIFE than work, and PEOPLE who are supposed to be more important than Partners and clients." Does anyone recognize the symptoms? Stay tuned...more revelations to follow.